‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHANUKKAH (tx, )

Posted on December 25, 2008

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‘TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHANUKKAH
OY! WHAT A SHOCK!
SOMEBODY OUTSIDE
WAS PICKING OUR LOCK!

AND THERE AT THE DOOR
STOOD A ‘ZAYDA’ IN BLUE-
AND HE WORE ON HIS KUPP
A BLUE YARMULKA, TOO!

HIS PUNIM WAS SHAIN-
EVERYBODY WOULD LOVE IT!
‘ROUND HIS NECK HUNG A CHAIN
WITH A GOLD MOGEN DOVID!

HE WORE SILKEN TSITZES
BENEATH HIS WOOL VEST,
AND A SMALL FLAG OF ISRAEL
WAS DRAPED ON HIS CHEST!

HE SAID: “I’M NO BURGLAR,
SO PLEASE DON’T BE NERVOUS.
I’M THE SPIRIT OF CHANUKAH,
HERE AT OUR SERVICE!”

“MENCHEN ALL CALL ME
‘REB’ SHALOM SHAPIRO!
WITHOUT ME, THIS YOM-TOV
MIGHT NEED A NEW ‘HERO!'”

“I VISIT ALL YIDLACH,
AND BRING – KINNAHORRA-
GOOD FORTUNE AS BRIGHT
AS A GLOWING MENORAH!”

“ICH SHLEPP LOTS OF BLESSINGS
AND CHANUKAH GELT,
AND JOYS THAT ARE TAKKA
THE BEST IN DER VELT!”

“IF YOU KNOW NICE MENCHEN,
I’LL VISIT THEM QUICK,
AND I’LL BRING THEM GEZUNT
AND A HOUSEFUL OF GLICK!”

SO WE SENT HIM TO YOUR HOUSE,
AND SHOOK HANDS AND PARTED.
HE SHOUTED, “SHALOM!”
OUT THE DOORWAY HE DARTED!

HE RAN TO A WAGON
WITH HORSES AHEAD.
HE FED THEM SOME BAGELS,
AND HERE’S WHAT HE SAID:

“LET’S GO, MOISH AND MENDEL!
MAKE QUICK, MOE AND YUSSLE!
PLEASE GIVE A RUSH, MALKAH!
HEY, HYMIE, PLEASE HUSTLE!”

THEN THEY RACED LIKE THE WIND!
AND THEY GALLOPED SO SHNELL,
ALL HIS CLOTHING BLEW OFF,
AND HIS GATKES AS WELL!

SOON HE WAS SO KALT
THAT HIS TUSHIE TURNED BLUISH!
HE MOANED AND HE HOLLERED
IN ENGLISH AND JEWISH!

SO, DON’T ACT EMBARRASSED,
AND PLEASE DON’T BE RUDE
WHEN THAT FROSTBITTEN ZAYDA
ARRIVES IN THE NUDE!

QUICK! WRAP HIM IN BLANKETS!
DON’T BEAT ‘ROUND THE BUSH’!
AND TIE A HOT WATER BAG
ON HIS COLD TUSH!

QUICK! FEED HIM SOME CHICHEN SOUP
HEISS AS CAN BE!
AND GIVE HIM SOME SHNAPPS
AND A GLEZ’L HOT TEA!

‘CAUSE HE BRINGS YOU A HOUSEFUL
OF CHANUKAH WISHES
AS WARM AND GESHMOCK
AS PLATE OF HOT KNISHES!

AND HE BRINGS THEM FROM OUR HOUSE
SO FRIENDLY AND BRIGHT,
SO YOUR HOUSE WILL KEEP GLOWING
WITH CHANUKAH LIGHT.

PLUS JOY SWEET AS TSUKKER,
AND PEACE AND GOOD-CHEER
AND EVERYTHING FRAYLACH
EACH DAY OF THE YEAR!

AND NONE IN YOUR FAMILY
WILL BE A SHLEMAZEL,
FOR LIFE WILL BRING EACH OF YOU
SIMCHAS AND MAZEL!

AND ALL THROUGH THE FUTURE
YOUR HOPES WILL COME TRUE,
AND HIMMEL WILL BLESS
YOUR MISHPOCHA AND YOU!!!

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